Hey Taylor Swift, Brittany Mahomes, ‘Why can’t we be friends?’
The United States is in the midst of another contentious election cycle, and it is affecting more than just candidates-leading to nasty online interactions and testing the strength of everyday Americans’ long-time friendships.
It has gotten so bad that pundits and social media users are doubting whether it is appropriate to befriend someone who votes differently than you. To quote the 1975 hit song, “Why can’t we be friends?”
The impetus for this debate comes from an innocuous hug between two celebrities. “Over the weekend,” the Independent reported last month, “Singer [Taylor Swift] was photographed embracing her pal Brittany Mahomes, who’s thought to be a Trump supporter. Cue the eternal question: is it possible to be friends with someone on the opposite side of the political spectrum? Is it even ethical?”
If you don’t know who these celebrities are, that’s OK. I had to do a little digging as well, but let me issue a spoiler alert and answer that age-old question up front: If you’re a mature adult, then yes you can be friends with people who vote differently than you, even if that’s not what trolls would have you believe.
I certainly would not characterize myself as a Swift fan, who are known as “Swifties,” but she deserves better than the criticism she has received over her friendship with Mahomes. “Taylor girl, that’s not very Miss Americana of you like how can you stand to be around someone like that,” wrote one social media user. What was Mahomes’ unforgivable crime? She apparently “liked” one of Donald Trump’s Instagram posts, and then un-liked it. The horror!
Another social media user went a step further and essentially asserted that being friends with Trump supporters should be some sort of sin. “I don’t know what the point of believing in anything is if your rituals of white civility will always come first,” he wrote; being able to disagree and still be friends is a mindset “created by and for a specific type of white person who ultimately has nothing to lose by passively enabling oppressive politics.” In short, how dare some Republicans accept people regardless of their political values.
The Independent also weighed in and claimed, “Sorry, Taylor Swift—friendships that cross political lines never work.” Sure, when people are so obsessed with political figures that it becomes an intrinsic part of their identity, then it is difficult to be friends with those who hold different views. However, that’s a problem, not a solution.
The view that all people who think differently than you aren’t worth your friendship presents a dangerous slippery slope. If that makes them so vile that befriending them is a secular sin, then should they be discriminated against, forced to rethink their political positions and so forth? No, of course not; that’s not how freedom of speech and expression works in modern America.
Beyond this, befriending those differently than you can sometimes be enriching, as you learn how others feel and think, and lead to meaningful relationships. Justices Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsberg were often diametrically opposed to one another on the bench, but they were famously very close friends. Likewise Democratic strategist James Carville married Republican strategist Mary Matlin. They’ve been together since 1993 and have two children. According to the Independent, none of those relationships should have lasted.
Associating with those different from us can also be an opportunity to convert people from misguided and hateful ways, which is a virtuous undertaking. While not everyone reading this is a Christian, I’d like to point out that Jesus Christ was criticized for dining with “taxpayers and sinners.” He didn’t do so to become like them, but to change them for the better.
Along the same vein, one of the great stories to come out in 2017 was of a Black musician, Daryl Davis, who sought out friendships with hateful Ku Klux Klansmen. “He says once the friendship blossoms, the Klansmen realize that their hate may be misguided,” reported NPR. “Since Davis started talking with these members, he says 200 Klansmen have given up their robes. When that happens, Davis collects the robes and keeps them in his home as a reminder of the dent he has made in racism by simply sitting down and having dinner with people.” Give that man a Nobel Peace Prize!
Even so, some social media users apparently believe Jesus and Davis were wrong for doing this, but the world is undeniably better with fewer Klansmen. To be clear, I’m not comparing those with differing political views with Klansmen or sinners. My point is that you should share meals with whomever you want, but don’t make blanket statements claiming it is morally wrong to befriend someone who votes differently than you or form relationships to correct people’s wrongdoings. That’s just ignorant. Mature adults who disagree can be friends.